CANDIDATES DEBATE BOATING

By Barb Hansen
February, 2012

MODERATOR:  Candidates, a viewer in Fort Myers, Florida has emailed a question about boating. Let's put it up on the screen.

There are many recreational boaters out there who are undecided about which of you to vote for because they don't know your position on recreational boating. Are you a boater? What kind of boating do you like to do and why?

 Mr. Speaker?

Speaker SlowPoke:  "Fundamentally, the American people known that if we can set up a 51st state on the moon then we can restore recreational boating to its philosophically correct place in the world as a basic tribute to our great nation in honor of the founding fathers and Ronald Reagan. I am a boater – thank you for asking – and Carisma and I like to spend long weekends on a trawler – nothing fancy – that just hums along at a modest speed and lets us get away from the ex-wives and other demands of civilization. This is the kind of boating I would support from the oval office. In fact, I would make the flybridge my own oval office. And, furthermore, as president I will sign an executive order stating that Governor Sailalong's campaign has been more blatantly dishonest than any presidential race in the history of U.S. elections.

Governor Sailalong:  "Well, Mr. Speaker, I have to say that your positions on boating and going to the moon are sheer lunacy. You should get away from K Street once in a while and see what life is like in the rest of America. Visit small towns like Marblehead, where I keep my sloop, then you would know the heart of America is in setting sail on your own and dreaming big like I did and reaching the finish line in first place using your own wits and wind. Sailing is the essence of what it is to be an American. In addition, my sailboat is the ideal vessel to escape the Occupy Movement. Frankly, Mr. Speaker, you can take your stinkpot and shove it and I'm sure the American people agree with me.

Senator Gofast: Now hold on there Governor Sailalong and Speaker Slowpoke. Folks, did you just hear what they said? They said they prefer an America that just plods along like their go-nowhere-fast boats as if we have plenty of time to solve these issues. And when they have to debate President Flotsam Jetsam, they will lose. They will be figuratively left behind at the marina. Folks, we need to put this economy on the bow of my Sea Ray and give it full throttle. I am the only candidate with the vessel that can get from here to there quickly, a go fast boat, and we will leave Speaker Slowpoke and Governor Sailalong and their so-called vessels rocking and rolling in my wake.

MODERATOR: Congressman, do you want to weigh in on this?

 Congressman Driftwood: I don't have an opinion about that. But you asked me to weigh in on this issue. Actually, maybe the country would be a whole lot better if everybody had a boat to get away from the politicians. You know sailing into the sunset is starting to sound good. Maybe I should get out of the race before they all start swiftboating me.

MODERATOR: Candidates, while you were responding to the boating question we received another email, this one from Southwest Florida Yachts, inviting each of you to visit as president of the United States and charter the boat of your choice, sail or power, fast or slow, and cruise the beautiful waters of the Sanibel-Captiva area.