SUDDEN SENSORY DEPRIVATION

Sudden Sensory Deprivation
By Barb Hansen
September 2008


Are you feeling a little down now that the Olympic games are over and the TV networks have moved on to other programming?

You are not alone. Some of my charter customers have been telling me they are feeling depressed and, yes, are noticing their minds going in weird directions, too.

Judy R. reported that she loved to watch swimming champ Michael Phelps so she bought her husband an Olympics-style racing suit for him to wear when they went for a dip.

Heather W. said that ever since the TV coverage ended she scores every boat that passes by on nine-point-something scale. That trawler is a 9.6. This sailboat is a 9.3. That personal watercraft is a 2.1. And so on.

George W told me he has always unbuttoned his shirt to show off the gold chains around his neck when he's out for a spin in his go fast boat. Since the Olympics, though, he is thinking about melting his gold chains and making them into one, large, round pendant. He told me he might trade in his Donzi for a rowing hull and his button down shirt for neck-tight Under Armour. Is that weird or what?

See. You are not alone in your mental confusion, your suffering. Anecdotal evidence is mounting. We are dealing with a real medical condition.

Psychiatrists call it Sudden Olympics Sensory Anxiety Deprivation, or, SOSAD

Peer-reviewed literature suggests that SOSAD occurs when the brain is suddenly denied enhanced digital sensory images. The scientists explain it this way: Your brain has been focused exclusively on watching the world's best athletes in vivid high definition. Then, bam, just like that, it is taken away from you. However, to fill that void, your brain must somehow continue to stay engaged in the world even if the only thing to watch on TV is Larry King talking to Tyra Banks.

No wonder you're feeling depressed and despairing. Don't. There is hope for you to lose those heavy emotional chains and recapture the Eight-Gold-Medal Feeling you had watching the champion swimmers or, for others, the perky female gymnasts aged -- we hope -- 16 years or more.

Medical professionals have established a therapeutic program for SOSAD sufferers. They call it Solarium Aquarium Boatarium Regimentum.

It's not a pill and it doesn't require a prescription. It's just fancy medical profession talk for urging sufferers to change their physical location from indoors to outdoors, from land to water, from artificial light to sun light. And, yes, from a house or office to a boat.

Any boat, sail or power, will do. My clients confirm that equal measures of sun, water and boat cruising in a cool breeze feeds their senses and psyches with the natural medicines they need to feel right again.

Go out on a boat today. If you're still experiencing the symptoms of SOSAD, call me in the morning. No, on second thought, call me next week. I'm going cruising tomorrow.